Im done being an adult

I’ll hand in my adult card and move back in with my parents, I’m over it. I am done being an adult. 

As I said a while ago, Scott got the flu. That resulted in him missing work. Yes, he has sick pay, but he works more than 8 hours on a typical day. We are literally short on our bills by one dollar. ONE FUCKING DOLLAR. That excludes the fact that we need to have money for gas and groceries. I have no idea what to do about that. 

I am in a current state of stressed out and I feel like barfing and crying. Actually I already cried. This is the first time in my adult life where we have not been able to pay our bills on time, in full. 

I don’t want to be an adult anymore. Yeah, I can have cake for dinner and nobody can tell me that I can’t. Beyond that, it’s terrifying. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to stop my anxiety from revving this up to a million. I feel like my world is crumbling. 

We don’t have any savings, any money set aside has gone into the purchasing of our house. (It wasn’t much money to begin with)

Part of me wants to beg strangers on the internet for money. But the morally sound side of me says that’s the wrong thing to do. You don’t get money by begging for it, you earn it. Most of me wants to call my mom and ask her to help because I know she will, because I have the most wonderful kind mother on the planet that will make sure her children are fed and taken care of even if they’re all grown up. Most of me wants to hide in my bed and cry for the next 2 weeks when we have money again so I don’t have to see if the world falls apart.

I’m screaming out to the abyss of the internet right now for answers, WHAT DO I DO? 

Life is complicated

My husband’s grandpa passed away last week. I haven’t felt much like writing anything while dealing with the stress that is flowing through his side of the family. 

They don’t grieve like most do, there’s not a lot of crying or being sad. They all try to be strong in front of one another. I find that strange since my family isn’t really like that from what I’ve expierenced with death. It’s a lot of planning and stressing and yelling and distractions. Anything to keep from being sad. 

I get it, there’s enough to be sad about. Life is complicated, death is inevitable, pick up and move along, all that. But it seems so foreign to not see them shed a single tear around anyone else. 

Truth be told, I didn’t know him that well. So I’m sad in my own way, but I don’t have much emotion when it comes to thinking about the loss of him as a family member. How can you be sad and heartbroken over someone you never really knew? I feel empathy for my husband’s family, I feel sad that he’s gone, but i also feel guilty that I don’t have the emotions to be as sad as losing a close family member. 

I don’t think that makes me a horrible person. I think that makes me human, prone to mixed, confusing, and slightly inappropriate emotion. 

What I’m trying to say is, things might be a little scattered for the next week until things get sorted and the funeral has been had. 

I’m sorry and you’re welcome.

Pinterest is ruining my life

I have a problem, I don’t know how to decorate in real life. 

 I want the Pinterest house of my dreams. I also suck at DIY projects. When it comes to crafting I get too excited and impatient. Also, my husband is putting up a fight on everything I want to do. “It’s too girly” “I hate grey” “I bet you’re going to cover the whole fucking house in glitter.” Are the three main things I hear when I start talking about decorating our new house. 

The number on thing he says is “why can’t we just comprimise?” Whenever I suggest anything which is code for “it’s too girly and I hate it.” Truth is, if he had his way everything would be rustic and decked out in camo. Negative ghost rider. 

He’s getting his man cave that can be decorated however he wants, so don’t think I’m just being an asshole. I even offered to paint it camouflage for him. I have lived in his style of decorating our whole relationship, which is throw things on a wall and call it good. I want my pretty house damnit! 

I don’t know how to get him to agree to what I want, or how to make him think it was his idea. I also don’t know how to decorate how I would like without spending bunches. I just want a pretty house. 

My colorblind husband hates every color I like. I also am so overwhelmed by all the color choices and combinations that I can’t decide what color would actually be right.  

I’m probably jumping the gun stressing about things I don’t need to worry about quite yet, but I can’t help it. That’s who I am. 

Any suggestions on how to figure this out are welcome. 

I can’t think.

Have you ever had one of those days where you just can’t think?

I have gone upstairs at least five times today to do the same thing. Every time i get up there, i have forgotten what i was going up there for. I finally had to repeat it out loud as I walked up the stairs so I wouldn’t forget. If anyone in the place behind mine is home they might think I’m a little off. With every step I’m chanting “hair tie, charger, jacket” or they think I’m trying to invent something really weird. Either way, I can’t wait to not be where people hear me do weird things.

I have been trying to write something for about an hour now, in that time i have gone back and forth on wanting to make a coffee and not wanting to get up. I already made a coffee today, its sitting next to me, I just forgot I have it. On top of that, everything i have tried to write today has been total nonsense babble that even bores me when i read it back.

I think I’m just having a really rough day. I have had a pretty rough week actually. My husband’s grandpa passed away on Monday, which was something we knew was coming. I feel bad saying it, but I’m not really affected by it. I mean I’m sad, but I barely knew him, so I’m not full of grief. We’ve been dealing with the aftermath of all of that and taking care of his parents and making sure his grandma is alright.That same day, we found out we got the house that I wanted so bad and we’ve been dealing with the financing of it.

So Im a little sick (i feel like I have the flu, but I don’t have a fever?) I’m a little sad, and Im pretty stressed out. Its making my brain not want to cooperate with me.

Hows your week going?

 

 

We found a house

I never knew how terrifying buying a house would be. My anxiety is at an all time high and I just want to curl into a ball and say fuck this.

We FINALLY found a house we love and they accepted our offer. Now we move to the financing stage of this whole terrifying process.  I feel like I am walking into a dark room blindfolded. It’s the first big adult life choice my husband and I are making together, and it’s exciting. I also want to hide and let him deal with all of it until it’s over so I don’t have to play the “what if” game over and over again.

It has a few cosmetic things that need to be fixed, but it’s pretty, and big, but not too big. It has a decent back yard and a hot tub. Enough rooms to make me feel like if we ever have children we don’t have to move or add on. Its nearly perfect.

I really can’t wait to go scrub every inch of that house and make it my own. I can’t wait to paint the walls whatever color I like without someone telling me I can’t. I can’t wait to hang pictures on the wall using nails and screws instead of tacks and a lot of hoping it won’t fall!

Mostly I can’t wait to move somewhere where I can’t hear my neighbor pee in the middle of the night. I won’t have to hear the crazy couple adjacent to me fighting. I won’t have to worry if it’s too late to do my laundry, just in case my washer starts jumping.

I’m nervous, excited and scared, all in one feeling. I’m eager to start this new chapter in our life. I really hope we don’t fail.

I might be the most interestingly boring person ever

I have been a lazy sick human lately, and i can’t for the life of me think of anything SUPER interesting to list fun facts about this Friday, so you’re going to learn some facts about me instead. Im sorry and you’re welcome.

1. I am obsessed with animals

I get maybe a little too emotional about animals and cute things animals do. I have owned guinea pigs, bearded dragons, an array of different fish, hamsters, green cheeked conures, dogs and cats. 

2. I have three siblings

I have two brothers and one sister. Somehow my parents managed to have the boy-girl-boy-girl pattern happen. My home was a circus growing up, because we’re all so close in age, and I’m surprised my mom didn’t go completely insane

3. My little sister was born on my third birthday

 I dont remember what its like to have my own birthday, and now that we life so far away its still weird not having someone that cares that its your birthday as much as you care that its your birthday.

4. My husband tricked me into falling in love with him.

Okay, its not as bad as it sounds. He had been in love with me for YEARS. We have known each other since we were 12, and we’ve been best friends for 7 years. When he went into the marines i realized that he was more than my best friend, i was in fact in love with him. He ended up getting an ELS due to downsizing (thats a whole story in itself )and we’ve been together since he got home. 5 years today actually. 

5. I suck at keeping my house clean

I would rather do anything else. Watch tv, sleep, stare at the ceiling not doing anything. Its not that I’m lazy, its that I get easily overwhelmed. If I clean I can’t do a simple pick up and wipe down, I have to do the whole 9 yards of organization and scrubbing. I turn a mole hill into a mountain. 

6. I don’t have a drivers license

Yes. I’m 24 and I don’t drive. Im terrified of driving, I even have nightmares about it. I know I need to get my drivers license, I hate being stuck and rely on people to take me places, but I never took drivers ed as a teenager, nobody would take me to drive and honestly its a little embarrassing to attempt to get my license as an adult because i care too much what strangers think.

7. I have a sleeping problem

I could sleep 14 hours and be exhausted, I could sleep 8 hours and be exhausted. I dont remember a time when I wasn’t exhausted. Even as a kid I remember not being able to wake up enough to go to school and focus. I always wanted to go to sleep. I have tried to reset my sleeping schedule, I have tried taking supplements to give me energy, I have tried sleeping with and without white noise, I have tried sleeping with and without the tv. I am always tired and I could sleep for years.

8. I paint to relieve stress and anxiety attacks

I follow along with painting tutorials from The Art Sherpa most of the time, because its nice to paint and understand how do get things to look right and why they look right when you do certain things.

9. Mozzarella sticks are my one true weakness

If I have the option, mozzarella sticks are always what i choose as a treat. My husband uses this to his advantage and bribes me with them, and coffee, to get up and do things I dont want to go do. Also he uses them to cheer me up, because if melted cheese doesn’t make you smile, what are you even doing with your life? Avoiding dairy because you’re lactose intolerant, because same, but I don’t listen.

10. I procrastinate

I have been doing it all day, i was supposed to clean my kitchen, and instead I FaceTimed with my mom so my nephew could play a strange version of hide and seek with her. I also need to start packing my house, because my lease is up sometime in April, and I can’t get myself to do that. Mostly because what do you pack when you want to throw everything you don’t use away?

 

So there are some very odd and out of place facts about me. I hope you enjoyed at least one of them, because i enjoy most of them.

Kids are freaking smart dude.

My 5 year old nephew is smart. He’s witty and sarcastic and clever. He makes me proud. He also forced me to buy a $5 scratch ticket, because when I put the money in the machine he wanted to hit the button, and hit the wrong one. So we’re not going full blown rocket scientist smart yet. 

He’s also a bit of a worrier. 

Yesterday, out of the blue, he asked me if a tornado could pull a roof off of a house. I asked him why and he said that he learned about wind at school that day. He was worried that a tornado was going to destroy our houses. Which is cute, because there’s a slim to none chance that a tornado could be formed between the hilly mountain surrounded town we live in. He was still worried. 

It was more than worry though. He wanted to see a tornado and what it could do. The will to know and learn in such a little mind, that can barely focus on a task for more than 5 minutes, blew me away. We watched storm chaser videos and science videos for an hour. We watched tornados, hurricanes, cyclones, earthquakes.

 The more we watched and the more he listened to the explanations of why and where these things happened, the less he worried. He wanted to know more, he wanted to learn it all. Watching that little kid sponge up information that is usually learned at a much older age was magical to me. Watching him learn and knowing I helped teach him something made me feel so good. 

He’s still a little worried about tornados, but he’s now more worried about floods. He told me that I need to get sand bags in case of a flood. I think that may be a lesson for another day. 

I spent a day playing god

I recently remembered I have the sims 3 on my computer. How I ever forgot, I dont know, but for the last day I have been lost in a wormhole. It started last night at 8pm with me saying i’ll just play for an hour or so, and next thing i knew it was 2AM. I was lost in time, inside of this fake reality and I LOVED it.

It started with me creating all new people, the perfect sims in my mind. I got them all set up, and gave them a lot of money using ‘MOTHERLODE’ because lets be honest, who doesn’t cheat at the sims for money? Anyway, I set the house up and made everything wonderful, and then I killed them one by one. I got bored with them, and they were annoying and its not real life, so why not. I guess I might be a monster if the sims had any real world concepts, but they can’t walk through a room if a chair is placed wrong, so who cares.

I started new and made a whole new person and set them up and sent them to college, and everything was going great, she was passing school, and had a boyfriend. I then got bored, and got her a new boyfriend, but I forgot to break things off with the old one. I have to say, watching two sims fight is one of the most hilarious things.

I dont know what it is about this game, but I got lost in it for HOURS today. I spent 6 hours laying around sick playing a game. I spent a day playing god, or a sim-like version of god. Maybe its the need for controlling every situation and outcome that i have, but I love this game. I have no regrets about playing all day long, although i do regret killing off the beautiful people i created. I think I would rather live in this pretend world all the time.  If I have to be sick, i guess this was the best way to spend a day.

The flu struck my house.

The flu struck my house this weekend, and I’m pretty sure my husband was one step away from laying out his will. I will never understand why men become such big babies when they get sick. Granted, I do feel bad for him because he rarely gets sick, but my god is he whiny.

In the course of one hour I was getting him soup and taking his temperature and reheating his soup that he didn’t eat and getting him another blanket and reheating his soup for the third time. By the end of the day I was just as exhausted as the fever was making him. 

Do they not realize that they’re whiny and grumpy and have reverted back to being a child? I really don’t understand. And as much as I would love to tell him do do everything himself like he does to me when I’m sick (although, I get it, I’m sick a lot) I can’t be cause I feel bad, because you know, he’s sick.

Bath time is a great time

Have you ever accidentally snorted the dust off of a bath bomb? It hurts, bad, but by the fizzing in your nose you can tell if you’re going to feel like you’re bathing in champagne or in almost flat soda water.

I have an undying love for bath products and I can’t wait to tell you all about a few of my favorites!

First there is the mermaid – Now i have learned first hand, DON’T SNIFF THIS IF YOU AREN’T ABOUT TO USE IT! It smells delicious, but it also has a small amount of glitter coating the outside that will then coat the outside of your face. The scent reminds me of a day at the beach, like a sweet breeze filled with salty air, you know, without having to get rid of sand for the next three weeks.. Its scented with a blend of sandalwood, sea salt, myrtle and cedar. By the time you are fully immersed in your bath, you will believe you are a mermaid under the sea! The best part about it is that you get the shimmer from the mica coating without being covered in flakes of glitter!

My second favorite product is something I have to have in my shower at all times! That is the Shower Mochi. All of it, it doesn’t matter what scent, i have never experienced anything like this before. Its solid when dry, but almost a play dough like consistency when wet and it lasts forever. I usually cut it up into four or six little pieces and grab two chunks before i shower. Just remember to keep them out of the water when not in use, they dissolve in water, slowly, but but that means you have less to use next time. I also hide half of them, because if I don’t my husband uses them whole because “they make the perfect body scratcher/cleaner” and I run out of them way too fast.

Next in line is the Silky Kimono Bath Bomb IF I COULD DIE IN A SCENT, it would be this one.This is the newest scent in the line of bath bombs, and not only does it smell fantastic, Look at how beautiful it is!!

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There’s also a matching body butter so even if you don’t have time to take a bath, you can still smell like you’re wrapped up in a warm blanket of love.

I could go on for days about how much I love these products, but I fear i have gone on long enough. Let me know, have you tried these products? Are you interested in trying these products? Do you also put your laptop on the toilet so you can watch netflix in the tub? That last one has nothing to do with anything, Im just curious if I’m the only one crazy enough to bring expensive electronics into a steamy room.

This post was brought to you by Slightly Melted, and the only way she paid me was by giving birth to me. I’m starting to think this may have been a 24 year plan..#conspiracy