Can clothes breed? 

 

If I never have to fold another article of clothing in my life again, all would be right with the world. Can clothes breed? Because I don’t remember having so much of it. 

For the past two days i have been catching up on the laundry I have been avoiding. And to be honest, i never really fold or hang my laundry. I usually shove it in to its designated drawer (or the closet) and call it good. If I really dont feel like doing anything I will just leave it in the basket and hope the laundry elves come put it away for me. Please tell me I’m not the only one that does this.

Since we are moving soon, as in our lease is up and we have to be out April 30th even if we can’t move into our new house yet, I have been trying to form better habits when it comes to cleaning. I have started loading the dishwasher as i use dishes, and unloading it as soon as the dishes aren’t too hot to handle. This also means i have been folding my laundry. Mostly so I can place it in baskets or boxes and go when the time to move comes.

I dont know if I have expressed this yet, but i fucking hate packing. Every bit of me wants to throw all the things we own away and get new stuff, its just stuff after all. The logical part of me says “shut up, do you know how much money that would cost to replace?” and then I’m like what the fuck do you even know carol? you’re not even real. You don’t pay these bills.  Scott then asks me who I am talking to and I say nobody, I’m just thinking out loud. He then asks me who carol in and my answer is always “A nosy bitch, thats who”.  I’m a little strange we already established this.

Honestly I’m writing this as procrastination on doing more laundry, because I am a horrible person that can’t do anything without getting distracted. I should pack more. Wish me luck.

I am a HUGE chicken

Here are the list of people in my everyday life that know that I have a blog:

  • me
  • my husband, Scott
  • my mom

Why you may ask? People scare me, if you are a stranger on the internet and you are mean, i can block you, i can look away, i don’t have to see you at family functions or friendly get togethers. I don’t have to care if you don’t like my writing, or what I have to say, and you don’t have any social obligation to read it or to tell me you don’t like it.

Am I a big fat chicken? yes. yes i am. Will I ever tell anyone outside of this three people ring? Probably slowly, to people I know will be supportive, and then to the rest once i know I am confident in what i am doing.

Right now I’m a baby learning to walk. I’m barely two months into this(unnecessary side note, i dont think two month old babies can walk), I’m just finding my footing and hoping i won’t fall. The people that know about this, are people I trust won’t judge me if I slip and land on my face. And if i do, they won’t laugh about it.

So if you know me in the real scary world and you found your way here, hello. To those that dont know me and also stumbled into here, hello. To both friends and strangers, This is what I am doing, trying to learn to walk the best I can.

I’m sorry, and you’re welcome.

COLORBLIND MADNESS I TELL YOU!!

I have been fretting over paint colors recently.

I am trying to find the colors that make me feel all warm and fuzzy and calm inside. I’m leaning toward light blues and soft grey. It would all be perfect, if Scott wasn’t colorblind. “Theres no way I’m letting you paint our living room purple” he says to me shocked that I would even suggest such a thing. “Its a light blue, its barely blue, its almost white!” i exclaim to him knowing fully that he’s not able to see the actual color. I then show him a purple in the same lightness of the blue that he swears up and down is purple. “That blue is okay” he says to me happy that we could come to a color we both like in agreement “This is purple” I say to him like the sarcastic asshole that i am. “I’m not painting our living room purple” He exclaims back at me like he knew all along. “we’ll call it blurple” he then said laughing. “I knew you showed me the same paint swatch both times.”

I don’t think we will ever paint our new home at this rate. Its not even 100% totally ours yet and this is what I’m dealing with. COLORBLIND MADENSS, but i love him, so I’ll totally trick him into thinking that he’s picking the color. Let him pick out the color.

Yes, I plan things way too far in the future. I like to be prepared. Scott on the other hand, he likes to “go with the flow” in other words wait until the very last minute and then scramble to get everything together. That is my living nightmare. My actual worst fear come to life is to have nothing planned and put together before the time to do it is actually here.

To be fair, Scott may be putting up this fight because he wants the whole house to be camouflage and look like we’re on a forever hunting trip. To be quite honest, I’d rather not. My bathroom and bedroom have been decked out in camo for the past three years, its my turn.

Wish me luck.. I think I’m going to need it. Or vodka. whichever is easier.

Im done being an adult

I’ll hand in my adult card and move back in with my parents, I’m over it. I am done being an adult. 

As I said a while ago, Scott got the flu. That resulted in him missing work. Yes, he has sick pay, but he works more than 8 hours on a typical day. We are literally short on our bills by one dollar. ONE FUCKING DOLLAR. That excludes the fact that we need to have money for gas and groceries. I have no idea what to do about that. 

I am in a current state of stressed out and I feel like barfing and crying. Actually I already cried. This is the first time in my adult life where we have not been able to pay our bills on time, in full. 

I don’t want to be an adult anymore. Yeah, I can have cake for dinner and nobody can tell me that I can’t. Beyond that, it’s terrifying. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to stop my anxiety from revving this up to a million. I feel like my world is crumbling. 

We don’t have any savings, any money set aside has gone into the purchasing of our house. (It wasn’t much money to begin with)

Part of me wants to beg strangers on the internet for money. But the morally sound side of me says that’s the wrong thing to do. You don’t get money by begging for it, you earn it. Most of me wants to call my mom and ask her to help because I know she will, because I have the most wonderful kind mother on the planet that will make sure her children are fed and taken care of even if they’re all grown up. Most of me wants to hide in my bed and cry for the next 2 weeks when we have money again so I don’t have to see if the world falls apart.

I’m screaming out to the abyss of the internet right now for answers, WHAT DO I DO? 

Life is complicated

My husband’s grandpa passed away last week. I haven’t felt much like writing anything while dealing with the stress that is flowing through his side of the family. 

They don’t grieve like most do, there’s not a lot of crying or being sad. They all try to be strong in front of one another. I find that strange since my family isn’t really like that from what I’ve expierenced with death. It’s a lot of planning and stressing and yelling and distractions. Anything to keep from being sad. 

I get it, there’s enough to be sad about. Life is complicated, death is inevitable, pick up and move along, all that. But it seems so foreign to not see them shed a single tear around anyone else. 

Truth be told, I didn’t know him that well. So I’m sad in my own way, but I don’t have much emotion when it comes to thinking about the loss of him as a family member. How can you be sad and heartbroken over someone you never really knew? I feel empathy for my husband’s family, I feel sad that he’s gone, but i also feel guilty that I don’t have the emotions to be as sad as losing a close family member. 

I don’t think that makes me a horrible person. I think that makes me human, prone to mixed, confusing, and slightly inappropriate emotion. 

What I’m trying to say is, things might be a little scattered for the next week until things get sorted and the funeral has been had. 

I’m sorry and you’re welcome.

Pinterest is ruining my life

I have a problem, I don’t know how to decorate in real life. 

 I want the Pinterest house of my dreams. I also suck at DIY projects. When it comes to crafting I get too excited and impatient. Also, my husband is putting up a fight on everything I want to do. “It’s too girly” “I hate grey” “I bet you’re going to cover the whole fucking house in glitter.” Are the three main things I hear when I start talking about decorating our new house. 

The number on thing he says is “why can’t we just comprimise?” Whenever I suggest anything which is code for “it’s too girly and I hate it.” Truth is, if he had his way everything would be rustic and decked out in camo. Negative ghost rider. 

He’s getting his man cave that can be decorated however he wants, so don’t think I’m just being an asshole. I even offered to paint it camouflage for him. I have lived in his style of decorating our whole relationship, which is throw things on a wall and call it good. I want my pretty house damnit! 

I don’t know how to get him to agree to what I want, or how to make him think it was his idea. I also don’t know how to decorate how I would like without spending bunches. I just want a pretty house. 

My colorblind husband hates every color I like. I also am so overwhelmed by all the color choices and combinations that I can’t decide what color would actually be right.  

I’m probably jumping the gun stressing about things I don’t need to worry about quite yet, but I can’t help it. That’s who I am. 

Any suggestions on how to figure this out are welcome. 

I can’t think.

Have you ever had one of those days where you just can’t think?

I have gone upstairs at least five times today to do the same thing. Every time i get up there, i have forgotten what i was going up there for. I finally had to repeat it out loud as I walked up the stairs so I wouldn’t forget. If anyone in the place behind mine is home they might think I’m a little off. With every step I’m chanting “hair tie, charger, jacket” or they think I’m trying to invent something really weird. Either way, I can’t wait to not be where people hear me do weird things.

I have been trying to write something for about an hour now, in that time i have gone back and forth on wanting to make a coffee and not wanting to get up. I already made a coffee today, its sitting next to me, I just forgot I have it. On top of that, everything i have tried to write today has been total nonsense babble that even bores me when i read it back.

I think I’m just having a really rough day. I have had a pretty rough week actually. My husband’s grandpa passed away on Monday, which was something we knew was coming. I feel bad saying it, but I’m not really affected by it. I mean I’m sad, but I barely knew him, so I’m not full of grief. We’ve been dealing with the aftermath of all of that and taking care of his parents and making sure his grandma is alright.That same day, we found out we got the house that I wanted so bad and we’ve been dealing with the financing of it.

So Im a little sick (i feel like I have the flu, but I don’t have a fever?) I’m a little sad, and Im pretty stressed out. Its making my brain not want to cooperate with me.

Hows your week going?

 

 

We found a house

I never knew how terrifying buying a house would be. My anxiety is at an all time high and I just want to curl into a ball and say fuck this.

We FINALLY found a house we love and they accepted our offer. Now we move to the financing stage of this whole terrifying process.  I feel like I am walking into a dark room blindfolded. It’s the first big adult life choice my husband and I are making together, and it’s exciting. I also want to hide and let him deal with all of it until it’s over so I don’t have to play the “what if” game over and over again.

It has a few cosmetic things that need to be fixed, but it’s pretty, and big, but not too big. It has a decent back yard and a hot tub. Enough rooms to make me feel like if we ever have children we don’t have to move or add on. Its nearly perfect.

I really can’t wait to go scrub every inch of that house and make it my own. I can’t wait to paint the walls whatever color I like without someone telling me I can’t. I can’t wait to hang pictures on the wall using nails and screws instead of tacks and a lot of hoping it won’t fall!

Mostly I can’t wait to move somewhere where I can’t hear my neighbor pee in the middle of the night. I won’t have to hear the crazy couple adjacent to me fighting. I won’t have to worry if it’s too late to do my laundry, just in case my washer starts jumping.

I’m nervous, excited and scared, all in one feeling. I’m eager to start this new chapter in our life. I really hope we don’t fail.

I might be the most interestingly boring person ever

I have been a lazy sick human lately, and i can’t for the life of me think of anything SUPER interesting to list fun facts about this Friday, so you’re going to learn some facts about me instead. Im sorry and you’re welcome.

1. I am obsessed with animals

I get maybe a little too emotional about animals and cute things animals do. I have owned guinea pigs, bearded dragons, an array of different fish, hamsters, green cheeked conures, dogs and cats. 

2. I have three siblings

I have two brothers and one sister. Somehow my parents managed to have the boy-girl-boy-girl pattern happen. My home was a circus growing up, because we’re all so close in age, and I’m surprised my mom didn’t go completely insane

3. My little sister was born on my third birthday

 I dont remember what its like to have my own birthday, and now that we life so far away its still weird not having someone that cares that its your birthday as much as you care that its your birthday.

4. My husband tricked me into falling in love with him.

Okay, its not as bad as it sounds. He had been in love with me for YEARS. We have known each other since we were 12, and we’ve been best friends for 7 years. When he went into the marines i realized that he was more than my best friend, i was in fact in love with him. He ended up getting an ELS due to downsizing (thats a whole story in itself )and we’ve been together since he got home. 5 years today actually. 

5. I suck at keeping my house clean

I would rather do anything else. Watch tv, sleep, stare at the ceiling not doing anything. Its not that I’m lazy, its that I get easily overwhelmed. If I clean I can’t do a simple pick up and wipe down, I have to do the whole 9 yards of organization and scrubbing. I turn a mole hill into a mountain. 

6. I don’t have a drivers license

Yes. I’m 24 and I don’t drive. Im terrified of driving, I even have nightmares about it. I know I need to get my drivers license, I hate being stuck and rely on people to take me places, but I never took drivers ed as a teenager, nobody would take me to drive and honestly its a little embarrassing to attempt to get my license as an adult because i care too much what strangers think.

7. I have a sleeping problem

I could sleep 14 hours and be exhausted, I could sleep 8 hours and be exhausted. I dont remember a time when I wasn’t exhausted. Even as a kid I remember not being able to wake up enough to go to school and focus. I always wanted to go to sleep. I have tried to reset my sleeping schedule, I have tried taking supplements to give me energy, I have tried sleeping with and without white noise, I have tried sleeping with and without the tv. I am always tired and I could sleep for years.

8. I paint to relieve stress and anxiety attacks

I follow along with painting tutorials from The Art Sherpa most of the time, because its nice to paint and understand how do get things to look right and why they look right when you do certain things.

9. Mozzarella sticks are my one true weakness

If I have the option, mozzarella sticks are always what i choose as a treat. My husband uses this to his advantage and bribes me with them, and coffee, to get up and do things I dont want to go do. Also he uses them to cheer me up, because if melted cheese doesn’t make you smile, what are you even doing with your life? Avoiding dairy because you’re lactose intolerant, because same, but I don’t listen.

10. I procrastinate

I have been doing it all day, i was supposed to clean my kitchen, and instead I FaceTimed with my mom so my nephew could play a strange version of hide and seek with her. I also need to start packing my house, because my lease is up sometime in April, and I can’t get myself to do that. Mostly because what do you pack when you want to throw everything you don’t use away?

 

So there are some very odd and out of place facts about me. I hope you enjoyed at least one of them, because i enjoy most of them.

Kids are freaking smart dude.

My 5 year old nephew is smart. He’s witty and sarcastic and clever. He makes me proud. He also forced me to buy a $5 scratch ticket, because when I put the money in the machine he wanted to hit the button, and hit the wrong one. So we’re not going full blown rocket scientist smart yet. 

He’s also a bit of a worrier. 

Yesterday, out of the blue, he asked me if a tornado could pull a roof off of a house. I asked him why and he said that he learned about wind at school that day. He was worried that a tornado was going to destroy our houses. Which is cute, because there’s a slim to none chance that a tornado could be formed between the hilly mountain surrounded town we live in. He was still worried. 

It was more than worry though. He wanted to see a tornado and what it could do. The will to know and learn in such a little mind, that can barely focus on a task for more than 5 minutes, blew me away. We watched storm chaser videos and science videos for an hour. We watched tornados, hurricanes, cyclones, earthquakes.

 The more we watched and the more he listened to the explanations of why and where these things happened, the less he worried. He wanted to know more, he wanted to learn it all. Watching that little kid sponge up information that is usually learned at a much older age was magical to me. Watching him learn and knowing I helped teach him something made me feel so good. 

He’s still a little worried about tornados, but he’s now more worried about floods. He told me that I need to get sand bags in case of a flood. I think that may be a lesson for another day.