I spent a day playing god

I recently remembered I have the sims 3 on my computer. How I ever forgot, I dont know, but for the last day I have been lost in a wormhole. It started last night at 8pm with me saying i’ll just play for an hour or so, and next thing i knew it was 2AM. I was lost in time, inside of this fake reality and I LOVED it.

It started with me creating all new people, the perfect sims in my mind. I got them all set up, and gave them a lot of money using ‘MOTHERLODE’ because lets be honest, who doesn’t cheat at the sims for money? Anyway, I set the house up and made everything wonderful, and then I killed them one by one. I got bored with them, and they were annoying and its not real life, so why not. I guess I might be a monster if the sims had any real world concepts, but they can’t walk through a room if a chair is placed wrong, so who cares.

I started new and made a whole new person and set them up and sent them to college, and everything was going great, she was passing school, and had a boyfriend. I then got bored, and got her a new boyfriend, but I forgot to break things off with the old one. I have to say, watching two sims fight is one of the most hilarious things.

I dont know what it is about this game, but I got lost in it for HOURS today. I spent 6 hours laying around sick playing a game. I spent a day playing god, or a sim-like version of god. Maybe its the need for controlling every situation and outcome that i have, but I love this game. I have no regrets about playing all day long, although i do regret killing off the beautiful people i created. I think I would rather live in this pretend world all the time.  If I have to be sick, i guess this was the best way to spend a day.

The flu struck my house.

The flu struck my house this weekend, and I’m pretty sure my husband was one step away from laying out his will. I will never understand why men become such big babies when they get sick. Granted, I do feel bad for him because he rarely gets sick, but my god is he whiny.

In the course of one hour I was getting him soup and taking his temperature and reheating his soup that he didn’t eat and getting him another blanket and reheating his soup for the third time. By the end of the day I was just as exhausted as the fever was making him. 

Do they not realize that they’re whiny and grumpy and have reverted back to being a child? I really don’t understand. And as much as I would love to tell him do do everything himself like he does to me when I’m sick (although, I get it, I’m sick a lot) I can’t be cause I feel bad, because you know, he’s sick.

Bath time is a great time

Have you ever accidentally snorted the dust off of a bath bomb? It hurts, bad, but by the fizzing in your nose you can tell if you’re going to feel like you’re bathing in champagne or in almost flat soda water.

I have an undying love for bath products and I can’t wait to tell you all about a few of my favorites!

First there is the mermaid – Now i have learned first hand, DON’T SNIFF THIS IF YOU AREN’T ABOUT TO USE IT! It smells delicious, but it also has a small amount of glitter coating the outside that will then coat the outside of your face. The scent reminds me of a day at the beach, like a sweet breeze filled with salty air, you know, without having to get rid of sand for the next three weeks.. Its scented with a blend of sandalwood, sea salt, myrtle and cedar. By the time you are fully immersed in your bath, you will believe you are a mermaid under the sea! The best part about it is that you get the shimmer from the mica coating without being covered in flakes of glitter!

My second favorite product is something I have to have in my shower at all times! That is the Shower Mochi. All of it, it doesn’t matter what scent, i have never experienced anything like this before. Its solid when dry, but almost a play dough like consistency when wet and it lasts forever. I usually cut it up into four or six little pieces and grab two chunks before i shower. Just remember to keep them out of the water when not in use, they dissolve in water, slowly, but but that means you have less to use next time. I also hide half of them, because if I don’t my husband uses them whole because “they make the perfect body scratcher/cleaner” and I run out of them way too fast.

Next in line is the Silky Kimono Bath Bomb IF I COULD DIE IN A SCENT, it would be this one.This is the newest scent in the line of bath bombs, and not only does it smell fantastic, Look at how beautiful it is!!

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There’s also a matching body butter so even if you don’t have time to take a bath, you can still smell like you’re wrapped up in a warm blanket of love.

I could go on for days about how much I love these products, but I fear i have gone on long enough. Let me know, have you tried these products? Are you interested in trying these products? Do you also put your laptop on the toilet so you can watch netflix in the tub? That last one has nothing to do with anything, Im just curious if I’m the only one crazy enough to bring expensive electronics into a steamy room.

This post was brought to you by Slightly Melted, and the only way she paid me was by giving birth to me. I’m starting to think this may have been a 24 year plan..#conspiracy

She’s my spirit animal.

My little sister stole my birthday.

When I was two years old one of my first memories was of me standing in a circle with my dad, my mom, and my older brother. We were talking about what to name the new baby. “butt face” was my brothers suggestion. Honestly, I think she would have liked that name, she does like her poop jokes. My suggestion was “butterfly” which i can only assume was the better of the two. I mean if they were asking a 2 and 4 year old for advice on a siblings name I have no idea why her name isn’t butterfly. I mean other than the fact that my parents aren’t really what you would call free spirits.

When i was three, I woke up on my birthday, knowing fully it was my birthday. My grandma was in my house and my parents were nowhere to be found. This asshole decided to steal my sunshine, my spotlight, my birthday! It wasn’t planned like this, at least my mother has never admitted to it. But I have my theories on party planning savings and two for one toy sales. I have a ton of ill informed conspiracy theories surrounding my mother, but thats another story for another day.

I told everyone she was the best birthday present ever, I had my very own sister finally. Having two brothers already, this was a big deal to me. I finally got the sister I thought I always wanted.

Growing up, she stole my toys, and my clothes, and the attention. She is the smart witty one, she’s the one that tries hard at everything she does. When I was younger, it annoyed me. It was so irritating that she got away with everything, and that my parents were always so proud of her. It made me feel like she was the favorite and I didn’t like her for it. I used to say that I regret the words “best birthday present ever” because she clearly wasn’t as a teenager.

As an adult, I take that back. She is strong, and smart, and independent. She’s brave and not afraid to state her opinions and hold herself to what she believes. She’s my reality check. She’s my “talk to if you need a good laugh” person. She is my spirit animal.

I am so proud to have such a wonderful, strong, smart, caring, beautiful sister. I wouldn’t trade her for anyone else’s sister. If she knows it or not, she has been my best friend all her life. And she’s the only birthday gift I have never lost.

Do sea otters have pockets?

I had so much fun last Friday coming up with a list of fun facts, I decided to make it a weekly thing. So lets get into it!

Otters are most likely one of the cutest animals to ever exist. So when i googled “fun facts” to try to get an idea and when this popped up,screen-shot-2017-02-23-at-7-24-16-pm
I had no other option. So without further ado, lets learn about otters!

Fact #1

  • There are at least 13 known species of otters

more like 13 known species of cuties to dream of snuggling, but they’re wild animals so you love them from a distance.

Fact #2

  • The North American river otter has the least concern for extinction, but every other otter species falls somewhere on the endangered spectrum.

Poor sweet little babies I will save all of you, come move in with me, we can have cuddle parties and take nice long baths.

Fact #3

  • The giant otter can reach up to 6 feet (1.8 meters) in length

thats not a little baby, thats bigger than me. 

Fact # 4

  • when otters hold hands while sleeping, its called a raft

they even wrap seaweed or other plants around their hands to secure the bond. MY HEART IS MELTING!!!

Fact #5

  • Otters can juggle

its believed to be a play type of thing although it hasn’t been totally figured out yet, they could totally join the circus though!

Fact # 6

  • Sea otters use rocks to hammer abalone shells off the rocks and crack the hard shells of prey open

Can we get these guys some hammers? I feel like that would be SO much easier!

Fact #7

  • River otters mate for life

sea otters prefer to live a much more open lifestyle, and thats cool too. No judgement sea otters, you do you.

Fact#8

  • Sea otters live in the ocean for much of their life and only come to land every so often

river otters on the other hand stay on land most of the time to avoid getting waterlogged fur. They only use the water to travel and hunt. If I could use the river like a slip and slide I totally would.

Fact#9

  • A group of otters is called a romp

it makes sense, they seem like they like to play hard and party!

Fact#10

  • Sea otters have pockets

they use the pockets to bring stuff to the surface and to store their special eating rock in. I wonder what else those cute little suckers are smuggling, drugs? precious artwork? nobody would suspect an otter to steal the Mona Lisa, its the perfect crime!

So, now we know a bit more about otters possibly. I love learning about new things, and i hope you don’t mind that I make this a weekly thing. If you know anything about otters that I didn’t say, or i got something totally wrong feel free to let me know!

We’ve all done things we regret

Looking back and regretting things i have done is my specialty, we’ve all done things we regret, am i right? You know, like losing self control and eating your feelings in that whole pizza. Saying to yourself, “Im pretty sure i have my keys in here somewhere” as you grab your purse and walk out the door only to find that you completely locked yourself out. Not listening to a conversation and agreeing to do something for someone with the “oh yeah, totally” response because you don’t want to admit you were totally not listening. Saying “sorry Susan, I was too busy thinking about what a llama would look like with a full suit on to keep listening to you talk about how you have to move in three days” just isn’t a suitable answer sometimes ever. But now you’re stuck helping Susan move on your only days off in two weeks.

When i am sleep deprived and alone is when I do most of my regrettable things, like looking at an eyeshadow palette and thinking to myself “I wonder what this would look like if i put this all over my face” Well let me tell you, i have done just that.

Here are the saved snaps to prove the regret.img_0791img_0792img_0793img_0794img_0795

that face above my friends is what regret looks like. Eventually it all came off, but it took a little more work than it should have because apparently your pores like to suck up the pigment from eyeshadow. Totally should have thrown a primer on my face to avoid that, lesson learned.

What I’m getting at here, is that even if you regret something, theres always something you can learn from it. Don’t look back at your regrets and cringe, try to find the lesson in it.

Things I do that I shouldn’t

I do some strange things, and some seriously “Nichole what the fuck” things. I have very little self control when it comes to indulging in the things I love. Here are a few of the things I know I should stop doing, but probably won’t.

  • Get up to eat after I have gone to bed

Every time I go to bed I lay there and realize I’m starving. Late night snacks are the best though.

  • Watch real life horror stories on YouTube

I once was paranoid that someone was living in my house under the radar because of a YouTube video and some suspicious evidence that turned out to be my husband sleepwalking

  • Eat like a toddler

I could eat chicken strips and totinos pizzas until I die.

  • Drink a redbull and a quad shot latte in the same day

I know I could actually die from the caffeine intake, but they’re both so delicious how can I choose only one?

  • Avoid brushing my teeth because I’m not going anywhere

Disgusting, I know. It’s only sometimes. But if I’m alone all day, and my mouth feels not gross when I wake up I will wait until later or even until bed time to brush my teeth.

  • Do the smell and wear test on shirts

I’m lazy and hate doing laundry every day, okay?

  • Drink until I’m sick

I don’t drink often, but when I do, it’s usually until I regret it. I mean my max is 3 cocktails.. and they’re sooo yummy, why not one more?

  • Eat apples

I’m allergic to apples. I get covered in strange hives that last for weeks. Every now and then though I have to have one. I LOVE apples! Around the holidays I usually have Claritin on hand in case of apple pie.

  • Care what strangers think

Which is weird, because why the hell should I? I mean yeah the guy over there is staring at me making puns, but why the fuck would I get quiet because of that?  He probably thinks I’m hilarious too, and if you’re right and he thinks you’re obnoxious, who the hell cares? *does not apply to real life

  • Avoid responsibility until it’s too much to handle

I hate house work, I have a mountain of laundry to do 90% of the time because I wait until it’s too late to start doing the work.

Small talk is bullshit and you know it

How was your day? Some weather we’re having, huh?Do you ever get the crippling feeling that we’re all just small beings being contained to one universe as a science project?

I hate small talk. So much so, that I will take someone’s small talk question and have a full blown existential crisis within the answer. That will teach you to ask me about my day carol. 

Also, why is my go-to fake name almost always always carol? Like I could be talking about any scenario man or woman, and the names I go to are Carlos, Keith, Susan, and Carol. 

I should really write these scenarios down. These four fuckers have a really wild life. 

SEE HOW UNCOMFORTABLE SMALL TALK MAKES ME? I just went on a tangent about fake names to get away from the talk about small talk. 

 I mean, am I alone in this? I can’t be the only one that hates small talk with a vengeance. I also can’t be the only person to fuck with someone that tries to initiate small talk. 

Let’s break down how I fuck with people, shall we?

Carol: hey, how are you? 

Me: I mean, good, I can’t complain, except for the fact that it’s so hot out I actually think I might be dead already. 

Carol: …uh..

Me: like I might actually be dead, this could all be a death dream. Do you think those are real? Or like what do you think happens to your thoughts, do they die with you? Man death is going to be boring if that’s the case.

Carol: yeah.. anyway, it was good seeing you. I’ll, uh, text you. 
In hindsight, maybe this is why I only have a few friends. Either way. Small talk is bullshit.

Have a real conversation with me or get the fuck out Carol.

Of course you will fail

I found that your ability to fail depends on the situation you put yourself in. You can’t take on more than you can handle, or of course you will fail.
I let fear hold me back for a long time. i let my depression get the best of me and my ability to create and succeed. I have this mentality that no matter where I go, no matter what I do, I will always be a failure. I stopped my whole life from progressing because I was afraid to fail and I was afraid of what that meant for me as a person. I am 24 years old and I don’t have my drivers license because I am afraid i’ll fail at driving and hurt someone or myself.
I didn’t realize for the longest time that by not trying at all, I was already failing miserably.
I had few friends growing up, which led to me feeling weird. Kids made fun of me and called me names and whispered behind my back. I labeled myself as useless and weird because who wants to be friends with me. So I didn’t try to make friends. I didn’t go out of my way to meet people, but i was always nice to people. Nobody ever wanted to be friends with the weird, quiet, poorly dressed girl. By refusing to make friends I failed myself.
I failed my way through high school, the fact that i graduated was nothing short of a miracle. Its not because I’m dumb or that refused to learn, its because I refused to try. I was one of those kids that cried every night trying to do their homework, because i got so frustrated and couldn’t focus. I figured I would get everything wrong and that i’d get in trouble, so i didn’t try. i failed merely because of the homework, which counted as most of the grade in the classes i had.  Later I switched to an alternative high school, where they didn’t have homework and the class sizes were smaller. I stopped failing classes, and i felt successful.
High school ended, and so did the high of succeeding. I fell back into the hole of fear, failing, and being laughed at for trying. I found the rock I was hiding from the world under and nestled right back into its comfort. I became complacent in the mundane humdrum life that I was so used to before. Ambitions became mountains I didn’t have the energy to climb, dreams were swept under the rug. Everything seemed so out of reach.
I never learned it was okay to fail. In my head it was you did it right or not at all. I can’t pinpoint where I was taught that, but somewhere I picked up the very bad lesson and it stuck like a magnet to a fridge.
Dealing with my depression is hard enough, I have dealt with it for a long time now, and its just a monster that lurks and hangs around and leaves and comes back. God knows how long it will stay or be gone, but its there, hanging out reminding me about all the fear life has to offer me.
I have made the decision to let it tell me these things, but to not listen to the things it tells me.
 Even as I type this out, with every word, every post, that brain monster is telling me i am going to fail. I am terrified I am going to fail. And maybe I will. The worst thing to come from me failing is that nobody will ever read the words I so carefully type out. Nobody will be there to tell me to give up, to make fun of me.
This year is the year that I am going to force myself out of fear, maybe not out of depression, but out of its fearsome grip. Fear has dictated my life so far and I’m nowhere because of it. Its time that I love the life I am living and go out there and live my life.
And when I don’t feel afraid anymore I will yell from a  mountain top, MY NAME IS NICHOLE AND IM NOT A CHICKEN!! (i hope)

Its the thing that keeps me from becoming a ball of what if stress.

I like lists way too much. I make lists for just about everything, even if i don’t need to make a list, EVEN if i don’t need a list! My husband thinks I’m a little nuts because of my list making.

During our wedding planning process he realized how crazy my list making was, I would make a list for the things we needed to buy, and then a list about the specifics of the item.

The lists look a little something like this:Screen Shot 2017-02-17 at 11.50.56 PM.png

We are now in the process of looking to buy our first home, because lets face it, renting sucks. The lists I’m making are a little insane. Im making lists for things that we need to look for when we go look at a house. Lists of questions for the realtor about EACH house we’re looking at. Things that need to be done before we move out of our rental right now so we’re sure to get the security deposit back (pretty sure we won’t though). I have made lists on what to clean in the new house and what to replace in the new house before we move in. We haven’t even found a house yet. Not for a lack of trying, the market around here sucks right now, but I digress.

List making is the one thing that makes me feel like my life is in place, Scott may not understand it, but its the thing that keeps me from becoming a ball of what if stress. I still become a big ball of stress, but it helps keep most of the stress at bay. If that makes me a bit of a loony bird then so be it.